Thursday, September 27, 2007

Sharing my HEART!

Many things have come up lately leaving me lost for words, my thoughts are clouded, bringing me back to questioning myself and if I'm the right leader for MOPS or anything else.

I'm Shaunda Nicole Edwards, that as not changed. I have lived in Norwalk all of my adult life. I have a WONDERFUL husband-best friend for 16years~~8 of them married. 3 most beautiful girls any mother could ask for,,they most get that from their dad. We have had our ups and down & over... we have faced rape, cheating, 4 pregencey, moving, law suits, sickness, medical finances, 4 major deaths (brother, grandma, dad & grandpa) within a 6 year prioed, losting 5 dogs, 2 cats, 4 hamsters, 2 hermet crabs and many friends.

I came from a family that was very disfunctional but as an adult, my home and family are not. Growing up, i was not a christian. I did not know what a relationship with the FORGIVER was. There were so many things that happened but looking back i can see clearly where the Lord has protected, provided, broken and began molding my life to what it is today. Many life lessons that I would have not learned had he not allowed circumstances to arise- yet he was always walking right beside me and catching me when I have fallen. That is the beauty of HIS love for US- even when we dont know him yet, he loves us and is waiting for us realize that we need him.

In the summer of 2003 I met a man by the name of Pastor Barry, from the NAC. much more about that story... I had know idea how much meaning this man would have and change myself or for that our lifes. I was talking to a good friend Tiffany and she told madison about AWANA out there, Madison was so excited I thought what would it hurt. few weeks went by helping with the kids and than one night, i needed to talk to someone thinking I was going to talk to pastor barry i knock on the door, to my eyes i seen a room full of people. sitting there crying my eyes out I ask Jesus to come into my heart. WOW what a high! One person really helped me to get to know jesus a little more. my dear friend Lori. She was also going through a lot at this time and soon after her dad passed away. May time we talked I just know lori and I were meant to be friends. In which what is really crazy about all of that is that her husband and my husband ball softball together. God does know what he is doing...

Thank God for the blood of Jesus that gives us clean hands and purifies us from all unrighteousness! I thought I was a good person until I started to look at my past and many issue that went wrong.

I began to pray weekend, daily and hourly at times I didn't even know what I was praying about. but God did...But notice, in order for me to see God, I had to have a pure heart. I had to choose to submit my hearts, thoughts over to God and allow Him to purify me on the inside. I had to constantly guard our heart and not allow junk to come in and contaminate.

How did I guard my heart?

By being selective about what I did, who I was around, what I watch on TV, where I went. I wanted not to be like the old Shaunda but a whole new person.
Bible study right after another, more involued in the church and coming to mops.

But at times I was still lonely for those relationships that everyone else had. YES, my relationship with Christ is growing and Im getting stronger but I have know one to share him with. Little at a time giving my attention to things around me help shape my heart and character. Giving my attention to the Word of God. Giving my attention to worship. Opening my heart to the Father and ask Him to purify me by His Holy Spirit. By doing this I have seen God!

I have change for the good but yet and yet God has shown be that Im still SHaunda, the Crazy girl, that like to have fun, dancing, sing, go to clubs, go to bars, have partys at my house, go racing, do girl scouts and more. I go to where my friends and the people are, they can see how the Lord has changed me. I know that in doing so, I may have offended people, and if I have, please come to me and let me know. Lets talk. No two people are alike- much like snowflakes, God had a plan for each of us when we were created, our differences are what makes us unique. Our experiences have grown us in different ways and GOD uses that to heal, teach and grow everyone around us.

But I am still SHAUNDA- old friends, new friends, an open heart, open mind, open ears and open eyes.

Everyone has different stories to tell. MINE is an open book.


Lori_N said...

My dear friend, I love you very much! I'm so glad you came to our bible study that night. What a blessing you have been to me. You are the best and I cherish our friendship.

I know it's hard sometimes, but do NOT question whether you should be in leadership or not. This is where God wants you...believe it.

Monica Mcclish said...

Shaunda You have been a blessing to me and you are an Awesome Awana leader. God is using you in so many ways and Satan knows that Dont let him tear down what God has built up. God is Awesome and knows what he is doing even when we cant see it Thanks for your love and support and helping me with Awanas Love Monica

palmtreefanatic said...

Shaunda I think you are an amazing leader as you have leadership qualities! I Praise God for the beautiful person he has created you to be! Though I may have not gotten to know you as much as I would have liked, I love you just the same! Do not doubt your abilities, EVER! God has placed you where you are for a reason and you are such a Blessing to all!